


Sometimes When We Touch

by summerroad7



Series: Oh! Darling [2]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 13:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17163074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerroad7/pseuds/summerroad7
Summary: Alex never wanted to wake up beside Miles everyday. It was not like that. At least not in the beginning.





	Sometimes When We Touch

Sometimes When We Touch

Miles didn’t seem to mind not having someone to share the nights. He was simply happy making music with his band, hanging out with mates and helping his mum in the shop.

“…no, not at all.” Miles was smiling the first time Alex mentioned it, asking if he’d feel lonely sometimes. His eyes were the shade of charm and mystery, fixed on Alex’s furrowed face. Miles gestured vaguely between them, fingers dancing in the warm breeze of Merseyside summer. “I’m loving this.”

It took a long time for Alex to understand that Miles was not just talking about any specific afternoons they spent in his room, listening to the records Miles got at home. It scared him the moment Alex figured it out — It was the third night of the two bands touring together again. Everyone was having a laugh in the party, catching up. Miles went out for a fag as the day was about to end. When Alex followed him to the alley, he found Miles leaning on the brick wall beside the door, shoulder and torso relaxed in the freezing air. They had kept in touch, talking with each other pretty often and Miles even came down to the studio to play guitar on one of the songs for the monkeys' new album. There was not too much to update. But Alex always found it nice to see Miles in person. The room was forever an exciting and happy place when Miles was in it.

“Al!” His eyes lit up when Alex approached him for a light.

Miles giggled as Alex failed to flick the lighter. “Here you go babe.” Miles said in that flirting tone of his when he wanted to embarrass Alex. He leaned in and let his cigarette touch Alex’s unlit one, their breaths mixed with the smoke.

Alex breathed in, glancing up only to realize Miles was looking at his lips with such longing in his eyes. **_Immediately, Alex knew._**

He choked on the burning smog, coughing violently as they parted. Miles blinked innocently when he was the one reason that caused Alex to huff like an old man. “Easy there, Al.” Miles patted him on the back. For the first time, Alex noticed how gentle those fingers tended to be when Miles touched him. It was painfully obvious and nearly unbearable.

He dropped his barely touched cigarette and heeled it out, shying away from Miles’ touch as if he was to hurt him.

“You want another one?” Miles asked. He was suddenly stiff and nervous, eyeing Alex tentatively before looking down to take a drag. **_He knew Alex had known._** Alex coughed a few more times. His throat felt burned and dry. “No, not now.” Alex murmured, an answer to both the obvious question and the unspoken one.

Miles shrugged. He didn’t lift his head back up to watch Alex when they went back into the bar.

+

Alex never really think about waking up every day right beside Miles, holding his hand on the street or whatever. It was not even that long after he broke up with Johanna. He had never even thought of having a taste of Miles’ lips, although Alex would admit his friend can be very tempting at some moments. He loved Miles. It was just not like THAT.

They both pretended to be oblivious of what happened at that night. Miles wanted to kiss him sometimes, yet Alex preferred to just be his mate. It was no big deal.

But still, Alex wondered when Miles began to like him in a different way. The idea bothered him when they were just laughing and joking around. Miles could always find things that made Alex weirdly happy and Alex was aware that _Miles was special._ It scared him even more when the first wave of shock died away. Now, he couldn’t help but observe his friend’s every move. The way Miles played his guitar or the way his eyes sparkled when a new idea burst out. The way his nose crinkled when hearing something funny. The undisguised passion Miles had for things he loved: wrestling, fashion, music... and Alex.

Alex spent too many nights sitting in the dark, blaming the miserable weather for his new habit.

+

He was not so sure how it happened.

Alex tried to think back. His mind kept going back to the very first times when they wrote something together. Miles was playing him the chorus. He sang a bit too, with that boyish voice which made Alex stunned for how strangely attractive it sounded. Miles was not very good at it back then, being very conscious about the fact that he couldn’t always sing in tune. Miles was seldom unsure about himself and that was one of the rare moments when he was almost shy in front of Alex. His cheeks were a lovely pinkish colour when he stopped singing, smiling hesitantly at Alex, waiting for his reaction.

“That was...amazing.” Alex whispered thoughtfully. His voice sounded strange in the small dressing room. “Seriously. You should finish it and - what about adding this bit after the verse...”

They finished the song in 15 minutes. Alex was fascinated by how well they fitted together musically. It’s easy to write with Miles yet it was exciting and quite an adventure as well.

“We could do a vocal swapping, you know.” Alex pointed out. They quickly divided the lines and started to sing together. Miles was smiling when they finished playing and Alex couldn’t stop himself from staring.

He zoned out, shocked and confused by his own reaction. Miles looked back at him. Suddenly, the light mood was dropped, and his eyes were filled with longing and hope. Alex was on the verge of pretending he didn’t notice the distance between them was getting smaller and smaller.

His phone beeped. Alex startled, fetching it out to look at the screen. “Yeah, I’m at the back…” An apologetic look was the only thing Alex could leave in the dressing room. He felt Miles’s gaze on him, probably trying to change his mind.

Alex couldn’t find a good reason to look back.

+

Miles called him one night at the beginning of Spring. He was stressed and in panic, sounding unlike himself. Alex was up within seconds when he realized Miles was genuinely upset.

After a chaotic conversation, he figured Miles was thinking about leaving the band. Alex encouraged him to pull the trigger as it now only caused him pain. He never doubted Miles got the talent to make music following his own ideas. “I just know.” Alex told him in a quiet but undeniable way. “Do it, Miles. Fucking do it.”

“Thanks Al,” Miles breathed out in a shaking voice. “Love you.”

Alex chocked on the thick air in his room. He was not prepared to hear a serious declaration of love. Especially at this moment. Miles chuckled when Alex didn’t reply. “Sorry, my mistake.” He joked bitterly. Alex laughed out with him, although he didn’t find it funny at all.

+

Three months after moving to London, Alex began dating Alexa.

Miles came over at the end of June after spending a few weeks back home. They managed to write a few more songs after three visits to the bar down stairs. Miles had some more confidence in his own voice than before, but at the same time he seemed more unsure around Alex, especially when Alexa was around.

It was not that they didn’t get along. On the contrary, they shared the passion for clothes and liked each other a lot. Alex knew it was because he was with Alexa and it made Miles upset. _A childish, unreasonable reaction that nobody could control._ Alex again pretended to be oblivious, and Miles pretended to be happy.

“…maybe, yeah. You’re also free this summer, right?” Asked Alex. They had joked about recording those songs for months and it was the first time they ever talked about a certain time instead of “someday”.

Miles drank his beer, nodding a yes. “I’m all yours.” He smiled, some foam on the corner of his mouth. They sat in the kitchen and Alex’s fingertips were tingling because of too much whiskey. It had been raining all morning. The greyish wet air ruined Alex’s brain when Miles opened the window, letting the wind coming in. “Are you crazy?” Alex grunted, placing himself right beside Miles to reach for the handle. Miles’ breath was warm and fast against his ear. He was licking off the beer foam nervously. **_Deliberately_**.

Alex’s attention was drawn to his tongue immediately. Like the last time, he had neither an explanation nor an excuse. But he did have too many reasons to not act on his impulse, to not kiss Miles and ruin their already weird “friendship”.

The moment was gone when Alex closed the window. Miles scratched his neck awkwardly and looked down. He was disappointed and somewhat sad. “I should go.” Miles murmured. “Me train leaves at 3.”

“Let's call you a cab.” Alex offered gratefully. _If Miles was to push at the moment, Alex knew his soul would be weak for him for sure._ They walked to the door together in an unnecessarily slow pace. “Yet again, the time has come.” They looked upon one another and Alex said those words in an exaggerated regretful voice. Miles laughed so hard that he nearly knocked on the doorframe, tears streaming down his face. He might be laughing at himself or at Alex or even at them both in this particular situation. Alex couldn’t tell.

All he did was watching Miles getting in the cab, temporally disappearing from his life again. He was supposed to be a friend who happened to be attractive enough to make Alex confused sometimes. He had never wanted to be together with Miles before. They even both made fun of Miles’ not-so-secret crush on Alex. It would eventually go away as they stayed to be best mates.

Alex stayed outside for a smoke. When the car was lost in the rain, his ridiculous acting of regret suddenly felt too much like the real thing.

 

+End+


End file.
